Some decisions in life are very straightforward and require very little contemplation. Still, other decisions require a great deal of forethought because they are fraught with complicated issues. For most women, the decision about becoming a gestational surrogate would fall in the latter category.
The fact that you are reading this information is likely indicative of your own curiosity about the surrogate experience. It’s not something you can read about in a book. It’s not something with which the males in your life can help you. No, the only realistic way to learn what is it like to be a surrogate mother. That is from the experts who have been involved directly in the process or those who have been there and done that.
In the sections below, we would like to get you started down the path of surrogacy with some information about the questions you should be asking yourself and others. Choosing to be a surrogate is a very serious matter. At the same time, it’s a gracious decision because of the great gift you would be giving to intended parents who might not otherwise have an opportunity to be parents. Indeed, you just considering something like this is a testament to your heart and character.
Can I commit to the process?
Do I have the mental and emotional fortitude to carry a baby and hand the baby over to someone else the moment it is born?
This is a gut-check question. No one can advise you here. To answer this question, you have to be honest with yourself and do some soul searching. Our advice is do it now before you get too involved in the process.
This is an easier question to answer. If your motivations align with the outcome, it will be worth it. At the absolute least, you will have given something to intended parents that very few women have the capacity to give them. From that, you would likely get some sense of pride and fulfillment. That’s a lot to get from the gift of giving.
Before we move on to the actual pregnancy, we just want to remind you to strongly consider the thoughts and feelings of your partner. After all, they too will be going through this process at a mental and emotional level.
Since you have already gone through at least one healthy and successful pregnancy, you pretty much know what to expect physically absent complications. What you most likely would not be ready for is the emotional and mental piece of the puzzle as it relates to giving up the baby.
Is it hard to be a surrogate mother? For some women, it’s very easy. We have also seen plenty of women struggle through the process. Everyone who chooses this path is a little different. That’s okay because we are always here to listen and help in any way that we can.
What most former surrogates report is that having the right mindset from the very beginning helps to lessen the bond during pregnancy. They simply reminded themselves of what they were doing and their motivation for doing so.
If you were to find yourself getting to attached, there are some things you could do to lessen your anxiety over eventually letting go. One way would be for you to view the process through the eyes of the intended parents. In all likelihood, they too will be going through a lot of anxiety. Here are some suggestions that might help them as well as yourself:
One last thing. It would be very helpful for you to communicate with all interested parties as much as possible during the pregnancy. That would include the intended parents and your family members. The more they understand about the process and how you are feeling, the more comfortable they would likely be.
After the pregnancy, there is a whole range of emotions you might feel. Hopefully, you would feel the same joy that the intended parents will definitely feel after receiving such a wonderful gift. After all, you are the one that will have given them that gift. Always remember, you will have provided a baby to a man/woman/couple who couldn’t have had a child on their own. It took something special inside of you to have arrived at the decision to be someone’s gestational surrogate mother.
If you were to experience a little sense of loss and emptiness, you shouldn’t worry. Those would be very normal things to feel. In time, things will get better and you will have time to reflect on the great deed you will have done.
There might be questions about future contact with the intended parents and perhaps even the baby. Hopefully, this is something that would have been resolved during the contract negotiation process. Whatever is or was agreed upon would be exactly the guidelines you would need to follow. At all times, the baby’s best interests need to be everyone’s first concern.
With that said, you would owe it to yourself to make sure you get your life back on track after the experience. It would almost be certain that you would end up seeing the world and yourself through a different set of eyes. Your decision will have given rise to another family. That would be something you would take with you for the rest of your life.
